When In Doubt, Vote Jack Sparrow!
by xoBeautifulXDisasterxo
Summary: Just a lil' Election Day madness! Jack Sparrow is the newly elected President of the United States! Who's his Vice President? And who's Wanda? And why is Jack being attacked by fangirls? America will never be the same! VERY FUNNY! RANDOM! ONE-SHOT


_NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:_

_Let me warn you that this is not my best work ever! I just thought it would be fun to write a fluffy lil' one-shot about elections! I do not state my political views or anything like that!_

_So...enjoy! :)_

* * *

Barrack Obama and John McCain, the two Presidential nominees stood on the platform, waiting to see which one of them would be the next president. The two men shook hands.

"May the best man win!" McCain smiled.

"I plan to." Obama smiled.

Suddenly, a man came across the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" He boomed addressing the crowd of press that had gathered. "I have the results!"

He pulled out a white envelope. He gave a small cough. "I have never seen anything like this before and neither has America."

"Who won?" someone from the crowd called out.

"Well..." He pulled at his shirt collar. "Neither man did."

A hush fell over the crowd. Was this a joke or something?

"This is funny!" Obama laughed. "But really, who one?"

"Err..." the man opened the envelope. "I...err...Jack Sparrow!"

"WHAT??" Everyone exclaimed at the same time, including the nominees.

"America was so fed up at you two going at it that they just didn't vote for you! They voted for someone who wasn't even on the ballot!" the man addressed Obama and McCain.

The two men looked at each in shock and awe.

"You're not really serious are you?" McCain asked.

"Quite. So now I give to you the President of the United States...Jack Sparrow!" the man introduced.

"Thank you all so very much! Thank you!" Jack Sparrow waved to the press as he walked across the stage.

Cameras flashed in all directions.

"Mr. Sparrow! Mr. Sparrow!" the reporters called out.

"_Captain_ Jack Sparrow!" Jack corrected.

"He can't be president!" McCain exclaimed.

"For once, I agree!" Obama added. "He doesn't even have a Vice President!"

Jack smiled. "I already took care of that! Introducing my Vice President...Mr. Gibbs!"

Mr. Gibbs made his way across the stage and stood next to Jack.

"Captain, it's bad luck. Cameras." Gibbs whispered.

"You think everything's bad luck!" Jack told him. "Now, shut it!"

"This is insane!" Obama mumbled.

"Captain Sparrow!" a young reporter called out from the crowd. "Who's your First Lady? Ms. Elizabeth Swann?"

"Err...um...no...after that whole Kraken thing. I don't really trust her, so I had to make do with what I had." Jack explained.

"Which wasn't much!" Gibbs added. "But we found just the right..._lady_ for the job!"

Jack whistled. "Come on, love. Don't be shy."

The crowd turned to see William Turner dragging his feet across the stage...in a dress! His wore a blond wig and his face was plastered in make-up.

"I hate him!" Will spat as he walked across the stage.

"That's not even a woman!" Obama argued.

"Ah!" Jack stated. "But William is a wench in more ways than none!"

The crowd tried to figure that one out.

"So, Will Turner is your First Lady?" asked another reporter.

"Actually, we changed his...er...her name to Wanda Turner!" Gibbs stated.

"Out of all names you picked...you picked Wanda?" McCain asked.

"Yep. Pretty much!" Jack smiled.

"Wait. Why do I have to be Wanda?" Will asked. "Why can't I be Wendy?"

"Ms. Wanda!" reporter called out. "How did Jack put you up to all this?"

"Well...er..." Will started to say.

"Use your girl voice, love." Jack told him.

Will just glared at him. "Jack...I mean President Sparrow...said I owed him for all the times he saved my life. So, being a man of honor I told him whatever he asked of me...I would do. But, I didn't expect being stripped of my dignity!"

Jack pushed Will aside. "Now, I've think we've heard enough from Wanda."

"I still think it should be Wendy!" Will mumbled.

"What will be your first act as President?" a reporter asked Jack.

"I declare that there will be a day dedicated to talking like a pirate!" Jack answered.

"That's already a holiday!" Obama added. "Someone beat you to it!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Thank you for pointing that out! My new first act as President shall be National Rum Day, where everyone drinks...er...rum!"

"You can't do that!" McCain exclaimed.

"Why not? Everyone loves rum!" Jack stated.

"What happens if you don't drink rum?" Obama asked.

"You'll walk the plank?" Will suggested.

Everyone turned and glared at him.

"Shut it, Wanda!" Jack snapped.

"I think National Rum Day is a good idea!" Gibbs said.

"There! Someone that agrees with me!" Jack pointed out.

"HEY!"

Everyone turned to see a teenage girl standing on a chair in the back of the crowd.

"How come Jack Sparrow gets to be President?" She demanded to know.

"Because. I was elected! Now sit your bum down in that chair like a good little wench!" Jack said.

"Well, I think he should be impeached!" she exclaimed.

"He's not even in office yet!" Obama exclaimed.

"Why do you think dear ol' Jack should be impeached, love?" Jack asked.

"Because I represent the Official Twilight Fan Club and we believe that Edward Cullen should be the next President of the United States!" she exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Obama and McCain at the same time.

"The vampire?" Will asked.

"HEY!"

Everyone turned to see another teenage girl stand up on a chair.

"I represent the Official High School Musical Fan Club and we believe Zac Efron should be the next President!" she exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" McCain and Obama exclaimed at the same time again.

"The singing basketball player with the big mouth?" Will asked.

"WHEN IT DOUBT...VOTE PEDRO!" a random person yelled.

"So our choices for President are now a vampire, a singing basketball player, or a pirate?" McCain asked.

"PEDRO OFFERS PROTECTION!" the random person yelled again.

"Why would you want a blood sucking vampire or a singing eunuch as your President when you can have me?" Jack asked.

All of the High School Musical Fangirls and all of the Twilight Fangirls in the audience gasped.

"GET HIM!" yelled a fangirl.

Suddenly, all the fangirls in the room were screaming and running towards Jack.

"Oh. Bugger!" Jack mumbled.

Just then, Elizabeth Swann walked in, just in to see a giant crowd of fangirls attack Jack, while Will was dancing around singing "Dancing Queen."

"This is madness!" She exclaimed.

"This is politics!" Obama and McCain exclaimed!


End file.
